She Will Be Loved

So, let me level here:  I obviously took a break from blogging.  I was traveling at a fast and furious pace for a while.  I have almost three weeks left in India.  I have decided to settle down and stay put where I am so that I can take some classes.  This blog is where I am in the current, the here and now.  I have many experiences to share which got me to this point.  I have an amazing tale of seeing a sight that no tourists get to see, of learning to dance Indian style, of traveling for a while with an addict, of falling in love with the city of Udaipur even though I was sick, of touring an old fort in the blue city of Jodhpur, of trekking through the desert on a camel and being left alone for hours at night, of doing Yoga on the Ganges with a Yogi (and being sick again), and of a beautiful five days in Shimla.  I will be publishing these stories.  Just know that they are a bit out of order.

This blog is where I am NOW.  HERE.  I AM HERE.

Dharamsala - The Himalayas

I am raw. Stripped down from the events, the day, the week.  I head to my room, and roll out my Yoga mat.  I begin to flow, moving my body, opening my heart, expanding, reaching.

There is a knock at the door.  It’s Ida from my Chakra/Reiki class.  “Let’s go!”  she says, eager to go out to a café and have a drink and a bite to eat.  “I’m doing Yoga,” I say, “but where are you going, maybe I can meet you after I finish?”  “Up the way,” she points, “maybe past the Pizza place.”  “I’ll find you,” I say.

And I get back to my Yoga.  I warrior, I vinyasa, I triangle, I backbend, I handstand (for a second), I backbend some more.  I work on dropping back and trusting that the wall is there for me to walk down.  I work on trusting.

And the power goes out. Darkness.  I finish up aided by the light of my computer screen and throw open the windows.  It’s storming, a beautiful, threatening storm.  I wrap my shawl around me and sit on the edge of the bed right under the window.  I cross my legs and watch the lightning.  I feel the stray mist that blows in and sits on my skin.  The wind whips, and I pull the sheet over me for extra warmth.  It’s a storm like I have never seen, fierce with billows of lightning – like fireworks.   I watch the shadowy flashes of the building nearby, the tree bending near my window, and the mountain in the distance – all quickly and starkly lit up by the brilliant flashes in the sky.

I turn my IPod on, and I begin to rock to the music, to the beat, to the pelting of the storm. And the statement that simply came to me intuitively during Reiki Initiation comes once again.  Here I am.  Yet, this time, I understand it.  I repeat it over and over.  Here I am.  Here I am.  Here I am.  And the tears begin to flow and soon it turns into sobbing.  Uncontrollable sobbing.  Yet, it’s not all grief, not all sadness.  It’s pure wonder at the world, tears flow because of the sheer beauty of it all, of how it works, of this sudden understanding of infinite time and unending relationships.

Garland – how right that he would have been here, that he would have spent the past two weeks with me.  It was his unconditional love and bottomless support that has allowed me to –essentially- die and be born again.

For now, after these five months in India, after months of soul searching, of digging my toes into the sand, of hugging saints, of letting go of the past, of Yoga, of running through tea plantations, rowing through the Backwaters, losing myself, feeling vibrations of centuries past, meeting people from all over the world, of riding camels through the dessert, of meditation, of missing friends and seeing them again, of laughing, of crying – after all of this, I have arrived.

The Universe told me.

Here I am.

While Garland was here in Dharamsala, I felt very strongly that we should do a past life regression session.  I thought it would be interesting; I felt pulled to it.  We did.  He visited two of his past lives; I visited three.  Yet, we weren’t sure that we crossed lives.  But there was this nagging, this hint, this inkling that there was a past life between the two of us, there must be.

Garland and I didn’t know what would happen when he came to visit.  What we did know was that we loved each other deeply.  We didn’t know where that would go, if anywhere.  What it would be.

Shimla

When Garland arrived in Shimla a little over two weeks ago, I met him at the airport.  And the first couple of days were like getting to know each other again.  We had sort of frozen our relationship in time, suspended ourselves to see what may lie between us.  And it was the same deep love.  Not a romantic love, per se, just pure love.  And sitting with him in Shimla, being lazy and completely unmotivated, eating cherries and cookies, I looked over at Garland busy working on trying to obtain his lost luggage and suddenly realized that this is a person who loves me utterly, every second for who I am now, who I have been, and whoever I may become.  He expects nothing.  He just loves.  And, I am safe in this life to be who I want to be, who I really am.  I am safe to become who I am.   Because I will be loved.

And when he left Dharamsala to head home, I walked him to the taxi and gave him a big, long hug.  My eyes teared.  His eyes teared.  And I waved him all the way down the hill until he was out of sight.  Something wasn’t resolved, and I didn’t think it lay in the present.

I emailed Lynda, my trusted healer back in Charlotte, and once again, she did a distance session for me.

“You guys have a very significant lifetime together…. As very very very dear friends, both women. You were both Asian. If you know that culture, women friendships are like sisters. In that lifetime you were ill. “Garland” cared for you totally and faithfully until you died. There was such deep love…. Not romantic. . .” she typed back to me.   And there was much more in the email, details about energy, about shifts, about mine and Garland’s continuing friendship.  But the beauty of it all overwhelmed me, the sadness in it.

How very beautiful that Garland and I would decide to visit China together (last year) – an impulsive decision – even before we really knew each other.  How perfect that we would see China in this lifetime for the first time, together.  The trip to China is what cemented our deep, enduring friendship.  How funny the Universe is.  And, how amazing that in this life, he is still supporting me, still taking care of me, and still terrified that I am going to leave him, that we will lose touch, even though I keep reassuring him that this is not going to happen.

Garland’s been gone for almost a week now, left to go back to the US, to his home, to his job.  During this time, I have been completed a self-healing and Reiki class.  Powerful stuff.  Powerful energy.  And I know that it’s energetic healing that I want to do.  I want to help people heal.  I am clear.  So now, I will start my new life down this path, searching for the right modalities and looking for a place in which to practice them.

I am here now.  The Universe is right. I am reborn in this life with a second chance of getting it right, of following my heart.  Garland’s energy allowed me to bury all that I was, to put it to rest.  He supported me through every step watching me as I left my old self – just as he did in our past life.

And now I can see while looking out at this storm, this storm that washes away the old and lets the new bloom afresh – I can see that we will never lose touch, not in this lifetime, not in the next, or the next, or the next.  We’ll keep finding each other because of the love that resides between us.  Not romantic, not conditional, but pure love.  Accepting of all that has been and all that will be.  Accepting of all the changes, the mistakes, the distances.  Pure.  Unconditional.  Larger than this lifetime.  Infinite love.

Me and Garland - his first time on a horse - not that you'd know that from the picture

Angel G

Me and G

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~ by Dana Childs: Intuitive on June 7, 2010.

3 Responses to “She Will Be Loved”

  1. DC, just now “catching up” with ya. Your blogs are insightful, fascinating and down right beautiful. I’m glad you’re on this journey of a lifetime…or for a lifetime….whichever it may be but just know that you are supported from here! I hope you continue exploring everything your mind, spirit and body have to offer! It is much more powerful than I’m sure I will ever know. (That’s about as deep as Scrabbie’s little brain can go….for now!) Take care, be safe.
    love’s ya! Peace!

  2. Beautiful! Yay Dana!

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